you used good descpiptive words, and a good methaphor. (scared out of my socks) You could add a little bit more detail tho and add more events. its a little short
What i did on the Muskoka week.I stayed home watching thrilling movies,also i went to hangout with my friends we played basketball and i had an amazing time.
-Nice job on explaining what you were doing throughout the week. -Finding more effective synonyms for your descriptive words can make your writing more appealing. -Try to decrease the amount of words because you have exceeded the limit of 140. You have 157 characters so you need to decrease by 17 characters. -Your off to a great start. With just reworking some sentences for a better flow and taking out useless words and putting in descriptive words, you will have an excellent tweet!
Tejasv Last week my class went to camp but I didn't go. At home I played basketball and watched charismatic movies. I also read The Hobbit, it's an awesome book. Overall it was a relaxing week.
-I like the way you explained all the things that happened throughout the week in order and gave a summarzing sentence saying it was a relaxing week!
-Something you may want to consider is decreasing the amount of characters because you have exceeded the limit. You are currently using 186 characters, 46 characters more than the limit.
- Nice word choice with some of your descriptive words but you can still replace those words with even stronger descriptive words which can make your writing even more effective.
-nice word choice. you used a few really good descriptive words. -nice concluding sentence - it seems short, so you can try adding a few more descriptive words
I like how you included some of what they taught us to do at camp (ex. safty, respect, friendship, leadership, commands: "May I tranfer safty clip one?" "Yes, Granted."). Great work Alex!
- I like your words choice in this. - But, i think you should say more, like what else did you learn from Camp that involve safety, respect, friendship, and leadership?
Camp muskoka, was okay I thought the Ariel park was fun. It was also, really scary when you got up there. The cabins were alright, but i hated the mattresses.
You had a good start, but you used a little more than 140 characters. You could have taken away some words and punctuation and put in a ending summary. Allann P.
Driving in, tall trees towering over, birds scanning down on us. steped out to the smell of the roasted fires that dry your throat like a dessert. Lets get this trip started!
Last week we went to Muskoka. I had a fantastic time there. The best part was zip lining and Arial, the Arial course was pretty scary when you got on but still really fun. #muskoka
Muskoka was spectacular, I didn't like the aerial park because it was high and I was scared out of my socks. Overall it was a scary day.
ReplyDeletegood desrpition. i liked it because you had concultion. you could add a couple more words to make it better.
Delete~alex
Deleteyou used good descpiptive words, and a good methaphor. (scared out of my socks)
DeleteYou could add a little bit more detail tho and add more events. its a little short
-Delvina B
i liked how who used the word spectacular, maybe add some more descriptive words like that to engage your reader better.
DeleteRavinder Sidhu
ReplyDeleteWhat i did on the Muskoka week.I stayed home watching thrilling movies,also i went to hangout with my friends we played basketball and i had an amazing time.
-Nice job on explaining what you were doing throughout the week.
Delete-Finding more effective synonyms for your descriptive words can make your writing more appealing.
-Try to decrease the amount of words because you have exceeded the limit of 140. You have 157 characters so you need to decrease by 17 characters.
-Your off to a great start. With just reworking some sentences for a better flow and taking out useless words and putting in descriptive words, you will have an excellent tweet!
Verda A.
Tejasv
ReplyDeleteLast week my class went to camp but I didn't go. At home I played basketball and watched charismatic movies. I also read The Hobbit, it's an awesome book. Overall it was a relaxing week.
-I like the way you explained all the things that happened throughout the week in order and gave a summarzing sentence saying it was a relaxing week!
Delete-Something you may want to consider is decreasing the amount of characters because you have exceeded the limit. You are currently using 186 characters, 46 characters more than the limit.
- Nice word choice with some of your descriptive words but you can still replace those words with even stronger descriptive words which can make your writing even more effective.
Verda A.
Verda A. (140 characters exactly)
ReplyDeleteCamp!
An adventure with priceless treasures.
Hardcore bonding, new leadership experiences and incredible activities.
Camp, the right decision!
i liked it. You used the exact amont needed too. you could take out worlds and make good detail.~alexx
DeleteI liked how you used your wording like some sort of poem. Very gripping & detailed! Great job!
Delete~ Alessandra Puglielli =:)
I really liked your word choice in your tweet, and i liked how you had good details too. ~Christina
DeleteCamp Muskoka was amzing.
ReplyDeleteAll I did at the aerial park was the zip line it was fun and scary.
It was weird to eat with the whole class.
Jessica W
try using more descriptive words instead of using words like fun, scary, and amazing.
Deleteit seems a little short, you could add some more events
May I tranfer safty clip one?
ReplyDeleteYes, Granted
Safty, respect, friendship, leadership.
Just some of things we leared at muskoka.
~alexmanzella
-nice word choice. you used a few really good descriptive words.
Delete-nice concluding sentence
- it seems short, so you can try adding a few more descriptive words
-Delvina B
I like how you included some of what they taught us to do at camp (ex. safty, respect, friendship, leadership, commands: "May I tranfer safty clip one?" "Yes, Granted."). Great work Alex!
Delete~ Alessandra Puglielli =:)
- I like your words choice in this.
Delete- But, i think you should say more, like what else did you learn from Camp that involve safety, respect, friendship, and leadership?
Last week was really fun! As a class we went to Camp Muskoka, and its was awesome. We did lots of fun activities and met really cool people.
ReplyDeleteDelvina B
delvina try to change the RIP words like cool and awesome to more describing words.
DeleteI liked that you had an intro and how u summarized it, but it neds more descriptuon(i could say the same for myself)
DeleteAllann P.
Camp muskoka, was okay I thought the Ariel park was fun. It was also, really scary when you got up there. The cabins were alright, but i hated the mattresses.
ReplyDeleteBrandon D
brandon you should use more descriptive words so you can express your emotions at the aerial park. Amit.V
DeleteYou had a good start, but you used a little more than 140 characters.
DeleteYou could have taken away some words and punctuation and put in a ending summary. Allann P.
Camp Muskoka was an amazing class trip.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part was over coming my fear of heights!I will miss the beautiful weather and camp leaders:)
Muskoka was the best school trip I've been on. I'm so glad I went. Ziplining was amazing. I hope the future people will have just as much fun.
ReplyDeleteLauren R
I couldn't put students because it was too long..
What have I learned?
ReplyDeleteRespect for people, work as a team.
Rely on each other as a community.
Share a meal together.
New wisdom from Camp Muskoka.
~ Alessandra Puglielli
Driving in, tall trees towering over, birds scanning down on us. steped out to the smell of the roasted fires that dry your throat like a dessert. Lets get this trip started!
ReplyDeleteMuskoka was fun. The food was good and the aerial park was super but there were a few things i didn't enjoy. Overall, great trip.
ReplyDeleteAllann P.
brandon try to add more descriptive words to express your emotions.
ReplyDeleteLast week we went to Muskoka. I had a fantastic time there. The best part was zip lining and Arial, the Arial course was pretty scary when you got on but still really fun. #muskoka
ReplyDeleteI love camp, it was the best! I learn funny songs, things about my peers and more!I'll never forget the fun and scary times i had! #Camp
ReplyDelete